Hyakuen Bloodline

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Hyakuen Bloodline

Post by Shinoko on Mon Oct 09, 2017 1:23 pm


Name: Prodigal Nature
History: The Hyakuen Bloodline isn't really one which is bound by a clan but more of a category which certain people fall into. These people are often labelled as 'Prodigies' by those around them, and due to their skill and talent they are naturally sought after as and by shinobi. Though this isn't always a good thing. This is because it's not always potential allies who are seeking them out sometimes it's those who are envious of their strength and seek to destroy them. Either way, members of this specific bloodline are just only being discovered as a bloodline trait. The first one was officially documented 20 years ago. Though evidence would suggest that the bloodline has persisted for much longer. This is due to it's subtle nature, which means it merely hasn't been perceived as something that might actually constitute a bloodline. This recent discover however, has brought about something positive. This being that people know they are now a part of a Bloodline. They have those that are related to them and have similar traits. This had lead a select few Bloodline members to actively begin searching for one another in hopes of finding someone who can relate to them.

As of this moment, there is no clan compound for the Bloodline, however a few of the those with the Bloodline have taken the name Hyakuen. Among them, some are seeking to forge a compound in which members of the clan can seek refuge.
Requirements: -
Description: Those with Hyakuen blood are naturally talent in the ways of shinobi and chakra. This comes with a few benefits.

1st, Bloodline Members can fully master 4 specializations instead of the normal 2.

2nd, Bloodline members receive bonus points for their jutsu depending on the rank of jutsu.
E-C: 1 point
C-A: 3 points
S-SS: 5 points

Finally, Bloodline members receive one positive trait of their choice without having to balance it out with a negative.

Drawbacks: Even though Bloodline members may seem incredible on the surface there is a few problems that they often find themselves running into.

1st, Despite being able to get 4 specializations to Master, Bloodline members aren't super versatile. Those 4 specializations are the only specializations Bloodline members can train above the 'Natural' level.

2nd, Bloodline members find they have hard time mastering the elements, and as such Bloodline members not only require double the word count to train their elements, but can also only ever get 3 elements maximum. With their 2nd being to be trained at 1000 total stats - 400 chakra, and their third at 2500 total stats, and 750 chakra.

Finally, due to how much more versatile Bloodline members Jutsu are, they require 20% more wordcount to train, as well as they cost more chakra to activate.
E-C: +5 chakra
C-A: +10 chakra
S-SS: +20 chakra
(Note this drawback only applies to jutsu which utilize the additional points, as such library jutsu and academy techniques, as well techniques created by the user which do not use the additional points do not incur this drawback. Justu that do use the additional points MUST state in their description that this is a clan KKG Technique, and the additional Cost.)

Bloodline Jutsu: -


Last edited by Shinoko on Mon Oct 30, 2017 5:16 pm; edited 3 times in total
avatar
Shinoko

Posts : 15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Hyakuen Bloodline

Post by Tetsuji on Mon Oct 09, 2017 2:50 pm

Alright, first on the history part. It should be cleaned up, there are some broken sentences/bad grammar type things that make reading it a bit weird. That should get cleaned up so it makes more sense.

The clan abilities are fine (for all intent and purposes) so lets jump to drawbacks:
-4 specs to master but the only things they can train past Proficient. But proficient is the step below master so this isn't a drawback? It's just saying the same thing (ie. doesn't limit the other 2 proficient and 2 skilled specs they have). Unless you're meaning they can't train past skilled and lose the two proficient traits (which still isn't a drawback since it's essentially just upgrading the 2 specs from proficient to master). Essentially, I'd like this clarified and then made a bit more severe? I just don't see this as a drawback currently
-The elements part is fine as a drawback I'm just not sure where to sit on it in relation to a free positive trait (since I'm not sure where we're sitting on those yet...) so as it stands I may want to see another applicable drawback to the clan?
-Bring the S-SS chakra increase up to 20 chakra

______________________________


avatar
Tetsuji

Posts : 184

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Hyakuen Bloodline

Post by Shinoko on Mon Oct 09, 2017 3:12 pm

History - Did my best to clear it up.

Drawbacks:
Specializations: Was meant to say they 4 masters they get are the ONLY ones that they get, realized the wording was a bit weird and I had misread the stat guidelines. Now fixed.

Elements: I'll get on the Traits after this, but I have a few ideas for additional drawbacks, but it's hard to counter-balance a free trait, without undermining the purpose of a free trait, so if you do decide it needs more, I may request some assistance with the ideas.

Chkara: done.
avatar
Shinoko

Posts : 15

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Hyakuen Bloodline

Post by Aka on Wed Oct 11, 2017 1:13 pm

however due to it's subtle
Because of the part leading up to this, please remove the however, since it's contradicting with the "though" at the beginning of the sentence. Also, it's the wrong type of "it's/ its": as it reads right now, it is "due to it is subtle nature".
Either way, Members
Please fix the capitalisation error here.
This recent discover however, has brought
Please add the y to turn it to "discovery" here
are fairly recently, only being
Turn it from recently to recent, given that recently is past tense, yet the "are" implies present tense.
Bloodline, However
Please fix the capitalisation error here

A few minor errors here and there. Nothing major, but, if they could be cleaned up that'd be swell.

Positives:

These are all fine except for the fairly obvious one, which is to say that, I'm afraid I can't really mod this section until traits are finished and published. Other than the elephant in the room, this is fine.

Negatives: I also see no problems with this, as you have three hard pros for three hard cons and one minor con (I only count the first drawback as a minor con, as it is more just a minor drawback compared to the large benefit of four max rank specs.)

Other than that, this is looking good! Just fix that, and then wait for traits to be done and posted~

______________________________

avatar
Aka

Posts : 110

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Hyakuen Bloodline

Post by Tetsuji on Mon Oct 30, 2017 7:08 am


are the only specializations Bloodline members can train at all.

-For this line, I'd like to cleared up to something along the lines of "are the only specializations that bloodline members can train above natural level" (If that's what you're meaning, is just a little more clear)

-In the last drawback, you put "Finally, do" which should read "Finally, due"

-I'd also like a note in the last drawback for it to be made explicit in the jutsu the user creates. So, if a jutsu has the increased points they need to specify in the description the increased chakra cost because of the clan

Otherwise, clan looks great, fix those up and it'll be ready to go~

______________________________


avatar
Tetsuji

Posts : 184

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Hyakuen Bloodline

Post by Tetsuji on Mon Oct 30, 2017 5:42 pm

Shinoko wrote:

Name: Prodigal Nature
History: The Hyakuen Bloodline isn't really one which is bound by a clan but more of a category which certain people fall into. These people are often labelled as 'Prodigies' by those around them, and due to their skill and talent they are naturally sought after as and by shinobi. Though this isn't always a good thing. This is because it's not always potential allies who are seeking them out sometimes it's those who are envious of their strength and seek to destroy them. Either way, members of this specific bloodline are just only being discovered as a bloodline trait. The first one was officially documented 20 years ago. Though evidence would suggest that the bloodline has persisted for much longer. This is due to it's subtle nature, which means it merely hasn't been perceived as something that might actually constitute a bloodline. This recent discover however, has brought about something positive. This being that people know they are now a part of a Bloodline. They have those that are related to them and have similar traits. This had lead a select few Bloodline members to actively begin searching for one another in hopes of finding someone who can relate to them.

As of this moment, there is no clan compound for the Bloodline, however a few of the those with the Bloodline have taken the name Hyakuen. Among them, some are seeking to forge a compound in which members of the clan can seek refuge.
Requirements: -
Description: Those with Hyakuen blood are naturally talent in the ways of shinobi and chakra. This comes with a few benefits.

1st, Bloodline Members can fully master 4 specializations instead of the normal 2.

2nd, Bloodline members receive bonus points for their jutsu depending on the rank of jutsu.
E-C: 1 point
C-A: 3 points
S-SS: 5 points

Finally, Bloodline members receive one positive trait of their choice without having to balance it out with a negative.

Drawbacks: Even though Bloodline members may seem incredible on the surface there is a few problems that they often find themselves running into.

1st, Despite being able to get 4 specializations to Master, Bloodline members aren't super versatile. Those 4 specializations are the only specializations Bloodline members can train above the 'Natural' level.

2nd, Bloodline members find they have hard time mastering the elements, and as such Bloodline members not only require double the word count to train their elements, but can also only ever get 3 elements maximum. With their 2nd being to be trained at 1000 total stats - 400 chakra, and their third at 2500 total stats, and 750 chakra.

Finally, due to how much more versatile Bloodline members Jutsu are, they require 20% more wordcount to train, as well as they cost more chakra to activate.
E-C: +5 chakra
C-A: +10 chakra
S-SS: +20 chakra
(Note this drawback only applies to jutsu which utilize the additional points, as such library jutsu and academy techniques, as well techniques created by the user which do not use the additional points do not incur this drawback. Justu that do use the additional points MUST state in their description that this is a clan KKG Technique, and the additional Cost.)

Bloodline Jutsu: -

Approved~

______________________________


avatar
Tetsuji

Posts : 184

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Hyakuen Bloodline

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum